Why I Have Children...

Rushing home at lunch today to make chili for this evening’s dinner, the thought that came to me was my life would be far different if I didn’t have children. Most days, I can’t get home at the noon hour, but when I can it feels like a reward. Chili seemed like the perfect meal on a frigid day. As I stirred the chili, in between bites of a sandwich I thought: without children I would be at least $500 richer each month in child care alone. Without children I would probably be thinner, going to the gym when I rush out of work at night instead of going to the grocery store for milk and bread like I did yesterday. Without children I would live in a smaller house, have less bills, more free time.
My revelry was interrupted by the site of my 10 year olds Christmas list. Printed in the neatest of her handwriting (it has always been a struggle for her) on copy paper, it begins with “yellow leggings.” “Leg warmers, black boots, smell-good lotion and brownish red lip gloss” are on the list with a “flip video thing” (“pink if they have it”) a head band (“a summery one, not a winter one”) and “v-neck shirts, not white.” Rounding out the list on the bottom is “Buttons (the dog) List” and includes a “chew toy, a bone and a sock.”
I chuckled to myself. Without children I would never have that laugh that touched my heart when I read the list. I would never have the memory of my oldest who used to say when I was quiet with her “Are you mad to me?” And if I said no, would say, “Are you sad to me?” I wouldn’t have the quick goodbye hugs in front of friends, or the sitting on the lap while watching TV (or the fights they had over who got to sit next to me until I sat in the middle). I would never have the lullabyes I sang to them or them to me when they were little, or the Christmas mornings full of excited faces and toys. I would never have the little hands that gripped my finger or the moments when we all fell asleep on the couch together.
I sighed. Maybe the weight gain is not so bad, they are getting older now and maybe I will be able to get back into an exercise regime soon. I guess I can apply that commercial about things costing so much and then other things being priceless to our lives. As a mom I am tired a lot of the time, I am always trying to catch up on my sleep, my friends, my exercise, my bank account. But when it comes to Christmas lists and hugs and kisses, I am way ahead of myself. And it’s great.