It was 4am when I drove up to the shelter to pick her up. Four in the morning, not unlike the countless numbers of times her husband would wake her in the night to abuse her and not unlike the last time when she awoke to the sound of the gun being cocked and felt the cold metal on her face. How she managed to talk him out of killing her that night, I can only guess because she never said, she just cried for the first week I saw her in the shelter.
She’d been there a month and sometimes she smiled now, especially with her two toddlers who also seemed to be feeling the cloud of abuse lifting, even in the close and crowded conditions of the battered women’s shelter. Then her demeanor seemed to change, she was so quiet all the time, my heart hurt for her through her shyness. Something was wrong and finally she told me, she was pregnant. The last year had been a blur of rape and abuse by her husband, who was stationed at the local military base. He had seen his father abuse his mother all his young life, culminating in his shooting her in front of him, his young son.
This morning we were heading to Wichita, a decision she agonized over for many days. She got in the car and we headed down the Kansas Turnpike. She sobbed quietly in the dark. In my early twenties, I could not comprehend all that she was going through. I could not even imagine the hell in which she had been living.
Dr. Tiller’s office was on Kellogg. We had to arrive early and the process would take most of the day. I knew this was a very, very sad day for her. I was only a witness to her pain, trying to keep her grounded in the world so that there might be a tomorrow for her and her young boys.
My religious upbringing included the idea that only God could judge us – no man could cast judgment on another (lest he be judged). At the kitchen table of my New York born and bred black Irish grandmother I learned a mixture of love, spirituality and common sense. She lit candles in church for the “poor souls in purgatory.” She loved the God she worshipped and I think believed that her praying for those who made mistakes was what we were meant to do. No judgment, just prayer.
Scott Roeder judged another and took his life. Now I struggle to not judge his actions as he had judged another. George Tiller was in church. His family, his God, his pastor, did not judge him.
At the end of a very long day we drove back to Manhattan while she sobbed sometime uncontrollably and I had to pull over and hold her, to the battered women’s shelter. When we got in the door she hugged her sons so tightly, their lives, just beginning again.
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Unsung (S)heros
Saw the movie “Blind Side” Thanksgiving weekend and thought about all of the women I have met and worked with in my life that are out there, changing the world, one day at a time. While it sometimes looks like they are just having fun, and their pictures end up more on the society pages than on the front page, they are the ones who make our world a better place.
These women, they really are the news of the day, making the world a little better, not just around the holidays or during an event, but all the time. They are the fabric upon which many a charitable organization does its good works. These women never earn a salary but they contribute far greater stuff.
Years ago, when I worked in a battered women’s shelter, I would drive up and see the BMW or a Jaguar parked at the curb. Those cars looked strangely out of place until they didn’t. Whether it was answering the phone or driving a child to school or planning the next fundraising event, these women were there, changing the world for the thousands who crossed the path of our Center.
Today, I work with an equally wonderful cadre of women who contribute their time, talent and treasure. The annual fundraising events that shares with the community the good works of this or that charity and raises money so that the next generation of children won’t live like this is always precisely run by these silent (s)heros. Our whole system of charitable organizations would cease operation if it weren’t for the women who step in like the woman who sheltered and nurtured Michael Oher. It isn’t always easy, to give of yourself freely, to work tirelessly for no pay and very little recognition. Today, thinking about all of these unsung heroes who have made me a better person, in addition to contributing to all of the organizations through which I worked, I am very grateful.
These women, they really are the news of the day, making the world a little better, not just around the holidays or during an event, but all the time. They are the fabric upon which many a charitable organization does its good works. These women never earn a salary but they contribute far greater stuff.
Years ago, when I worked in a battered women’s shelter, I would drive up and see the BMW or a Jaguar parked at the curb. Those cars looked strangely out of place until they didn’t. Whether it was answering the phone or driving a child to school or planning the next fundraising event, these women were there, changing the world for the thousands who crossed the path of our Center.
Today, I work with an equally wonderful cadre of women who contribute their time, talent and treasure. The annual fundraising events that shares with the community the good works of this or that charity and raises money so that the next generation of children won’t live like this is always precisely run by these silent (s)heros. Our whole system of charitable organizations would cease operation if it weren’t for the women who step in like the woman who sheltered and nurtured Michael Oher. It isn’t always easy, to give of yourself freely, to work tirelessly for no pay and very little recognition. Today, thinking about all of these unsung heroes who have made me a better person, in addition to contributing to all of the organizations through which I worked, I am very grateful.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Women as Consumers
In the September issue of the Harvard Business Review, there is a article about women consumers (The Female Economy. http://hbr.harvardbusiness.org/2009/09/the-female-economy/es) Women control more than $20 trillion in consumer spending and represent a market larger than China and India combined. As a state, we could do so much more to encourage businesses not only to address women’s needs, but also to encourage women’s businesses.
Recently, Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce took a trip to China to open up trade. All the while, Oklahoma is 46th in the nation as a great place for women to live and work. (Center for Women Policy Studies) I wonder what would happen if some of the energy we are using to seek new markets across the seas, could be focused on satisfying women’s needs locally, we would build a better state as well as create more prosperity for our companies.
The authors of the HBR article, Michael Silverstein and Kate Sayre, talked to women consumers and found that most women feel “vastly underserved. Despite the remarkable strides in market power and social position that they have made in the past century, they still appear to be undervalued in the marketplace and underestimated in the workplace.” Surveying 12,000 women, the authors concluded that “women not only will represent one of the largest market opportunities in our lifetimes but also will be an important force in spurring a recovery and generating new prosperity.”
Whether nature or nurture, women’s lives are different than men’s. We are responsible for the most part, for children, for care of our elderly parents and for housework. In the U.S. women reported that they do approximately 66% of all of the home chores. We do see the world differently-- often leaning more toward the importance of not leaving anyone out and caring about our environment.
In the survey that the Girl Scout Research Institute did before and after the election, girls see leadership as connection and relationship building, while boys aspire to power over. Post election, girls and boys both saw how hard it is to get recognition for your leadership skills if you are female. Girls gravitate toward making the world a better place. As the authors of the HBR article point out: “Women seek to buy products and services from companies that do good for the world, especially for other women. Brands that—directly or indirectly—promote physical and emotional well-being, protect and preserve the environment, provide education and care for the needy, and encourage love and connection will benefit.”
In a recent guest editorial I did for the Oklahoman, I wrote that “allowing women access to positions of power also creates benefits for companies and communities. Recent economic studies bear this out. Pepperdine University found that Fortune 500 companies with the best records of putting women at the top were 18 – 69% more profitable than the median companies in their industries. Sixty-nine percent! It would be foolish not to consider having women either in the C-suite or on your company’s board with numbers like that.”
“But it is not just this Pepperdine study. McKinsey looked at European countries and found that the companies with greater gender diversity in management had higher than average stock performance. Catalyst, a research firm found that Fortune 500 companies with just 3 or more senior women managers scored higher on top measures of organizational excellence. Companies with 3 or more women on their boards outperformed their competition by 40%.”
Women as consumers and/or women as workers: our world is changing and businesses and corporations need to change with it. Not just for women, but for all of us.
Recently, Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce took a trip to China to open up trade. All the while, Oklahoma is 46th in the nation as a great place for women to live and work. (Center for Women Policy Studies) I wonder what would happen if some of the energy we are using to seek new markets across the seas, could be focused on satisfying women’s needs locally, we would build a better state as well as create more prosperity for our companies.
The authors of the HBR article, Michael Silverstein and Kate Sayre, talked to women consumers and found that most women feel “vastly underserved. Despite the remarkable strides in market power and social position that they have made in the past century, they still appear to be undervalued in the marketplace and underestimated in the workplace.” Surveying 12,000 women, the authors concluded that “women not only will represent one of the largest market opportunities in our lifetimes but also will be an important force in spurring a recovery and generating new prosperity.”
Whether nature or nurture, women’s lives are different than men’s. We are responsible for the most part, for children, for care of our elderly parents and for housework. In the U.S. women reported that they do approximately 66% of all of the home chores. We do see the world differently-- often leaning more toward the importance of not leaving anyone out and caring about our environment.
In the survey that the Girl Scout Research Institute did before and after the election, girls see leadership as connection and relationship building, while boys aspire to power over. Post election, girls and boys both saw how hard it is to get recognition for your leadership skills if you are female. Girls gravitate toward making the world a better place. As the authors of the HBR article point out: “Women seek to buy products and services from companies that do good for the world, especially for other women. Brands that—directly or indirectly—promote physical and emotional well-being, protect and preserve the environment, provide education and care for the needy, and encourage love and connection will benefit.”
In a recent guest editorial I did for the Oklahoman, I wrote that “allowing women access to positions of power also creates benefits for companies and communities. Recent economic studies bear this out. Pepperdine University found that Fortune 500 companies with the best records of putting women at the top were 18 – 69% more profitable than the median companies in their industries. Sixty-nine percent! It would be foolish not to consider having women either in the C-suite or on your company’s board with numbers like that.”
“But it is not just this Pepperdine study. McKinsey looked at European countries and found that the companies with greater gender diversity in management had higher than average stock performance. Catalyst, a research firm found that Fortune 500 companies with just 3 or more senior women managers scored higher on top measures of organizational excellence. Companies with 3 or more women on their boards outperformed their competition by 40%.”
Women as consumers and/or women as workers: our world is changing and businesses and corporations need to change with it. Not just for women, but for all of us.
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