Leadership: The Importance of Self

Like many traits or characteristics (joy, beauty), I believe leadership is an inside job. Socially conditioned to think of others first, women, most often forget the Self in the equation when it comes to leadership. Ken Blanchard in a speech to the Association of Girl Scout Executives in Phoenix this summer said that leadership has three parts: Leadership of the Self, Leadership to one other and Leadership to the team. In her ground breaking work that still resonates in my life, Carol Gilligan talked about the importance of discovering your own voice. She points out in her book, Meeting at the Crossroads, that girls at 9 are more than willing to tell you what they need and want. But at 13, those same girls, when asked, shrug their shoulders and say “I don’t know.”
In my work with women and children who have been abused, I thought that it was the abuse that took away their voices, but as I have witnessed in other arenas including women and girls in Girl Scouts, and many of my friends and peers , we all put others first at the exclusion of the self. I think this idea of self exclusion is key, for as women and girls are socialized to think about what others need, we bring to the world a relational style that is often missing in our world and I think badly needed. In a video blog on www.bigthink.com, Carol Gilligan points out that when considering a moral dilemma, women most often think of themselves as “living on a trampoline.” We can’t think about something without thinking about its connection to others. She says that for women, the questions of morality cannot be considered without understanding the relational parts of the issues.
However, without having a clear relationship to the self, we may be unable to really understand or empathize with another. We may think we know what another needs and wants, but unless we are truly understanding our own needs and wants, we may miss the mark. To me, the pinnacle of good leadership includes the ability to empathize with all concerned, not just the loudest voices. In addition, when you have an understanding of yourself – I find you are better able to speak from the heart.
All of us involved in Girl Scouts are committed to helping one girl find her true voice, to help her see her and express what she wants in life. Accomplishing that is the true measure of leadership.