Navigation Skills, Race and Childhood

Our personal characteristics give us navigational tools that steer us in the world. The craftsman who sanded and resurfaced the floors in my house is deaf and through the “feel” of the sander on the surface he could tell the depth and make-up of the sub-floor. His senses sharpened in one area because of his limitations in another make me think of a recent story in the news about bats and their use of sonar to navigate the world.
My heritage is Irish and Welsh. My daughters are African American. I believe that like deafness, our heritages can sharpen our senses in unique ways, too, and our personal characteristics reflect the way that we use our senses to navigate in the world. My daughters use their senses very differently to find their way in the world.
My 11-year-old is a quiet, reflective young woman. She shows up in public life softly, never asserting herself, striving to fit in. In spite of her quiet characteristics, she has had her share of conflict with peers and adults. I believe that some of the conflict is a result of her skin color. Her response to conflict is to not fight back. Whether she detects discrimination at play in some of the conflict, I don’t really know. But from my perspective, race can be a factor when she is accused and sentenced at school and in community activities by white and black people alike. Her response when accused is to take whatever punishment is meted out and move on. In her efforts to fit in, she accepts the actions of others, believing that it is she who has failed. To explain herself or resist would go against her quiet nature and bring the attention she strives to avoid. I can’t help but wonder if she detects a difference in the way that her white friends navigate their world, especially in the way that they are listened to and understood.
My 10-year-old is very different. She demands to be seen and heard for her full personhood. Her “in your face, this is who I am” nature seems to keep her from being the victim of someone’s inability to see past the color of her skin. She connects with adults and children in a lively, open way. It is hard to get past her “me-ness.” She won’t allow her race to be the reason for someone’s judgment of her. She leads with a big personality that demands and receives attention.
Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor is a Latina who was raised by a single mom in the Bronx. The richness of her heritage and experience has shaped her direction and point of view. Yet during the hearing it appeared as if the white male point of view still dominates certain types of thinking – even to the point where it seemed she nearly renounced her previous remarks about the power of experience and heritage in accruing knowledge and wisdom. I understand why she repositioned her point of view, but believe her experience and persona would bring an important point of view to a Court decision. I think that even Lady Justice, blindfolded and all, knows that the more diversity is brought to an opinion, the better the outcome. I also imagined my two girls in Sotomayor’s seat and how different their responses to the questions would have been.
Watching my daughters navigate the world, listening to my own heart, trying to help them figure out how to live peaceably, lovingly, and wisely in the world, I am reminded of a song I learned at a church retreat: “how could anyone ever tell you, you were anything less than beautiful, how could anyone ever tell you, you were less than whole, how could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle, how deeply you are connected to my soul.”